


TalentSwap!New Dangan Ronpa V3 -- Future Turned Upside Down

by ZBG9224



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Talentswap (Dangan Ronpa), F/F, F/M, Iruma Miu's Dirty Mouth, M/M, Spoilers, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-04 19:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15847731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZBG9224/pseuds/ZBG9224
Summary: Monokuma didn't expect to have to work hard in this killing game. But with 16 students still alive after a month, he's grown impatient and takes matters into his own hands.





	1. The End of One, The Beginning of Another

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I'm new here, and I don't have much experience with fanfiction, but I decided to try anyway. Relationships and tags will be added later, as the story is still in production and I need to figure out where this will be going. I'll take constructive criticism, and other than that there's nothing I have to say. Hopefully you'll like this!
> 
> Also, two notes: I switched up the protagonists to Iruma and Kiibo. Both will be given times when they share their point of view. Also, the plot's different. See if you can figure out what happened!

Saihara's POV

 

It's 8 AM.

 

16 students have filed in, most of them energetic to greet the new day while some, like me, could barely stop nodding off.

 

16 students sat at the dining table, 15 of us talking while having breakfast. One of us couldn't eat.

 

"Heyyy, Kiiboy! Why you look so glum?" Ouma poked his fork at Kiibo's cheek mockingly. "Is it cuz you wanna eat? Because if ya do, I bought you an oilcan from the MonoMono Machine!" He held up a can of Robot Oil from his pockets and was about to shove it into Kiibo's mouth, and as robophobic as I seemed, I couldn't help but chuckle.

 

The robot pushed it away. "Very funny, Ouma." Kiibo had gotten used to Ouma's taunting and jokes -- well, to be fair, we have all gotten used to each other. It had been four weeks ever since we busted out of the classroom lockers and were found by Monokuma's kin. Four weeks since we met in the gym after a near-death encounter with mecha suits. Four weeks since Monokuma swooped in to tell us we were forced into a killing game. And speaking of Monokuma...

 

Tenko pointed to the doorway. "Hey, it's that degenerate teddy bear again!"

 

I wouldn't have gone with her exact words, but she was right. In waddled Monokuma himself, clearly miffed about more than just Tenko's insult. "Greetings, students!" he announced, sounding like he was trying to hide his frustration. "I hope you're all enjoying this beautiful morning!" Grumbling, he added "The 28th morning, at that."

 

Kaito let out a huge sigh. "What do you want, 'kuma? We don't need you wasting our time. If anything, I was planning to take Maki Roll out on a date later today."

 

The sound of her nickname mentioned made Maki groan and roll her eyes. "Really? And what kind of 'date' do you have planned? Stargazing?" she added uninterested.

 

"...actually, yes! That was my plan!"

 

Maki sighed.

 

"...lovebirds aside," Monokuma started, "I come bringing great news!"

 

"Nyeh," Himiko spoke up, "if you say it's great, then for us it's bad news."

 

"FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, LET ME SPEAK!" Monokuma blurted angrily, causing Himiko to cower under her hat and Tenko running over to try to calm her down. "Now, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted twice...I will give you one last chance. I have one last motive I can dish out as a last minute resort, but after that, time's up for you punks."

 

I can speak for everyone that we were all pissed at this bear. Monokuma had been giving us weekly motives in a desperate attempt to get us to kill each other, but it seemed he underestimated us. The day we found out we would be sent to kill each other, we all met after the nighttime announcement and formed a pact to follow against the mastermind's wishes. Ouma in particular didn't want to join, but after Toujou -- of all people, Toujou! -- bribed him with Panta, he was all in for it.

 

We were first told that we would all die if no one killed in the time limit. Somehow, Tsumuugi managed to get the Monokumarz to convince their father not to follow out on it. (I don't know what she said exactly, but it worked, to our collective reliefs.) The next week, that motive was discarded and instead Monokuma gave us videos of those we loved and ending with cliffhangers, but we all decided against watching them -- I don't care if it's important, if it'll cause me to kill, I'm ignoring it. A book to bring back the dead if we kill was next, and the bear reasoned that if we kill them, we can resurrect them and it would be as if nothing happened, but of course his weak logic didn't work. Absolutely none of us fell for that crap, and we all despised his idea. He even told us about a secret door and obstacle course that could reveal the truth about the outside, but we couldn't beat it anyway. Good thing we couldn't -- the next three days I had back pains. So this motive would not only be weak, but it'd be a pretty desperate attempt.

 

Amami chuckled. "So, what's this last-ditch effort of yours?"

 

Gonta chimed in after. "Gonta believes nothing can get Gonta's friends to kill each other. It unpossible!" he beamed.

 

"The killer gets to walk away with no trial! And with a buttload of cash, too!"

 

"It would be wrong of us to kill over money, no matter how much any of us need it," Toujou spoke.

 

Iruma held her palm up to Toujou. "Hold on shrimp-tits. I wanna see where this goes."

 

Monokuma happily replied "Glad you say that, virgin!" to which Iruma shuddered and whimpered. "1 million!"

 

Hoshi looked up. "One million yen? With that enough money, maybe I could get defense lawyers to bail me out...but that'd be useless though. I should just rot in death row."

 

"No, don't say that..." Tsumuugi tried to assure Hoshi. "Your life is precious, unlike mine! I'm just a plain little teenager!"

 

Confused, Monokuma cocked his head. "No, not yen! Dollars, are your brains cobwebby?! 1 million dollars in Benjamin Franklins!"

 

We all stared silently at the robot bear bewildered. Surely he couldn't be THIS stupid, right?

 

Then Korekiyo broke the silence. "Excuse me, Monokuma, but you've made a mistake. If I'm correct, we are Japanese, so why are you bribing us with American money?"

 

Monokuma went silent. It seems he only realized it now, and we could hear him cursing at himself under his breath.

 

"Nyahahahaha!" Angie giggled. "It seems Atua was right once more! The motivation to kill one another fails yet again!"

 

Right after that, Monokuma screamed. Loudly. "Dammit! I cannot do ANYTHING right! I can't even manage to successfully get you bastards to kill each other! I was gonna wait and see if you can kickstart this battle royale, but you leave me no choice!"

 

Out of nowhere he whipped out a pistol as we all jumped back, scared of what would happen. Screams overlapped as we all clutched the walls.

 

"Dude, what the FUCK?!"

 

"What is wrong with you?!"

 

"This can only end so well..."

 

"Eeeeek, why did I have to die like this!"

 

"Are you serious?!"

 

"Now let's see..." Monokuma looked around the room. "There's only one of 'em ammo here. Now who of these cowards to pick..." His hand moved left and right until...

 

"You there, Emo Hat!"

 

...the gun pointed at me. Everyone gasped and backed away from me. I was panicking like crazy, and my mind was racing. No. No, it can't end like this!

 

"Wh-Whoa! Monokuma, you agreed you wouldn't interfere with the killing game! Why are you doing this?!"

 

"Desperate times call for desperate measures, sonny! Now say your praye-"

 

"Stop!" Kaede pleaded. "Take me instead, but leave Saihara alone!"

 

"Hm...that's some valid feedback, maybe I cou- NAH! He gets it first, or you all go down together!" Monokuma's paws touched the trigger.

 

"Then we do it all together."

 

Everyone turned to Kiibo, who uttered those words. "Saihara is our ally," he continued, "and I'd rather we all die as friends than live on to forget Saihara." No, Kiibo, what are you saying? You can't just all die for me! "I say all of us shoul-"

 

Monokuma cut him off. "Yeah yeah, nobody wants the lecture, nuts and bolts. You all decided you all do it together? Then you all do it together! Prepare to forget!" He pulled the trigger.

 

My eyes immediately closed. We were all gonna die, and it's all my fault. It's my fault Kiibo spoke up and now it's my fault we were all gonna die.

 

Wait...die?

 

I thought Monokuma said forge-

 

POOF.

 

I opened my eyes. What I anticipated to be a bullet turned out to be some grayish smoke flowing out from the barrel to us. Monokuma dropped the weapon and ran out the door. He waved goodbye and shut the kitchen door, locking it.

 

By now, the thick smoke had flooded the room, limiting our sight to nothing but gray. I, as well as 14 others were coughing, and I heard bodies hit the floor from what I could guess was unconsciousness. Kiibo, who couldn't breathe and therefore was fine, called out to us in a panic.

 

"Hellooooo?! Saihara?! Iruma?! Kaede?! Oum- GYAH!"

 

Kiibo slammed onto the floor and I couldn't hear his voice anymore. It seemed the mastermind turned him off or something. I groped blindly trying to see something as I heard a few more of my friends pass out. Eventually, I collapsed too. On the floor, I felt... strange. As if the smoke had some strange chemicals within it, my memories felt as if they were fading! In a panic, I tried to remember all I could.

 

Kiibo was a robot.

 

Ouma was a supreme leader.

 

Kaede was a cosp- I mean pianist!

 

Toujou was a maid.

 

Iruma was a de- no, I'M the detective and she was an inventor!

 

Angie performed aiki- NO, SHE WAS AN ARTIST!

 

God, why was I forgetting everything?!

 

My uncle was a...right, a professor.

 

Good, now I'm remembering.

 

I lived in a lab owned by my uncle.

 

And I was-

 

I conked out.

.........  
......  
...


	2. Chapter 2: Wake Up Calls and Combinations, Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Ultimate Magician and Ultimate Detective stumble out of their lockers, and the duo start to navigate this school and look around for the other students.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My god, Kiibo and Himiko were absolute fun to write.

Kiibo's POV

 

The clanging to my right both woke me up and scared the life out of me.

 

I woke up in some sort of odd space. It seemed someone jammed me in haphazardly, as I woke up with my feet to the ceiling of that space and my head supporting my weight on the floor.

 

"...huh? Where am I...?"

 

It felt like a metal coffin, but that couldn't be it because, well, I'm sure I'm alive. Or am I buried alive and I have to escape using my bare hands? That'd be cool! Or better yet, that coffin is chained to the bottom of a shark tank -- oh yes, that'd be the ULTIMATE magic trick. The banging beside me was definitely a shark trying to force its way in. Man, did I feel the adrenaline rushing through my veins! But those sharks wouldn't get the best of me, the Ultimate Magician! I felt around the door and with a small click, the coffin sprung open and I jumped out.

 

"Come at me, shar- oh." Boy, did I get my hopes up.

 

I stepped out to what wasn't a shark tank. It wasn't even underground. It was just an ordinary classroom -- well, maybe "ordinary" wasn't the key word here. Sure, it had desks and chairs and a blackboard and all that, but every last square foot of the walls was decorated in vines, and it looked like they were still growing. All the windows were covered in barbed wire, too. To my left was a vine-covered doorway and a black and white monitor above it, its frame outlined in red, and above that was a digital clock reading 1 pm. And to my right-

 

BANG. BANGBANG. BANGBANGBANG. "Fuck it! I can get this damn locker open, or this golden genius's name ain't IRUMA MIU!"

 

From that, I learned two things. One, these were lockers, not coffins. That's a relief but a bit of a disappointment.

 

And two, I wasn't alone in this classroom!

 

I ran over to that loud locker and flipped the latch. As the door swung open, a girl that looked taller than me stepped out and immediately tumbled onto the floor. Her strawberry-blonde hair was tied in a ponytail with the exception of two hairs jutting upwards. Her pink suit with baby blue buttons and skirt rested over a periwinkle bowtie on a gold blouse. I didn't want to say it, but her chest made it seem as though the blouse would explode. As if she weren't tall enough, she had black heeled boots just under her knees and white knee-high socks to contrast. A black choker sat at the bottom of her neck. As soon as I finished analyzing the woman, she opened her turquoise eyes and two pink lips yelled at me.

 

"Hey, if you're done gawking over my milk factory, couldja help a woman up?"

 

I only knew her for less than a minute and I could tell she would be a handful.

 

\- - - - - - - - - -

 

Iruma's POV

 

The dork grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet, albeit with difficulty doing so. Once I was standing, I took a close look at him. This guy had sky blue eyes and platinum blonde hair all pointing down except for multiple strands of hair that pointed upwards into an oddly big ahoge. He wore a silver collared blazer and a white polo shirt under it, both with yellow buttons. Under his collar hung a plain green necktie, though upon closer inspection I could see star patterns throughout it. He had silver gloves, black dress pants, and gray dress shoes, and his overall appearance made him seem like some kind of stage performer. Plus, he had some strange stick in his right pocket.

 

But to me, what stood out most about that dork was that he was half a foot shorter than me.

 

Then he spoke "Are you alright?"

 

"Just a few bruises, kiddo. But I'm fine." I rubbed my head.

 

"I apologize," he added, "but I neglected to get your name. Would you mind if you could introduce yourself?"

 

"Okay, one, you can drop the damn formalities, sweet cheeks. And two," I posed for dramatic effect, "you're in the presence of the great! The gorgeous! The golden genius and Ultimate Detective, Iruma Miu!"

 

White Hairs seemed impressed, but he also seemed deep in thought. His gloved hand pointed at me. "Hold on...Iruma Miu? That name sounds familiar..." His glove let out a muted snap. "Aha! You started your own detective agency after you solved the case of the drug smuggler!"

 

I let out a laugh. "Bingo! How do you know that? It's like you've been stalking me!" I started drooling. Dammit Iruma, you're embarrassing yourself!

 

The boy seemed unfazed. "Anyway, you're an Ultimate too?"

 

"Yep! Wait...whaddya mean 'too'? What are you, the Ultimate Stalker?" I giggled.

 

"Ah, no!" the boy claimed, blushing. Man, this kid was gonna be fun to mess with! "My name is Iidabashi Kiibo! The Ultimate Magician!" Kiibo struck a pose of his own.

 

"Wait a sec. Hold the fuck up. You're Iidabashi's kid? World-famous traveling magician?!" Once, I bought tickets to one of his shows. I enjoyed his tricks -- especially succeeding in figuring out how every single one of his tricks works.

 

"My father prefers to be called 'Iidabashi of Illusions', thank you very much. And yes, I am his apprentice. I enjoy performing magic!" Kiibo beamed.

 

"Fuck, that sounds awesome, training under a celebrity! I always loved magic shows," I stated enthusiastically. "It's a fun challenge to figure out how those tricks work, because we all know magic isn't real-"

 

Shit.

 

What was I thinking?!

 

Disproving magic?

 

In front of a magician-in-training?!

 

Godfuckingdammit Iruma, you just HAD to mess it up!

 

Kiibo was taken aback. "Excuse me, Iruma. You cannot just go around trying to disprove magic. That's very rhabdophobic of you, and I can take your accusations to court! Do you read me?"

 

I whimpered. "O-Okay, I'm s-sorry, Kiibs! But magic a-aside, let's not forget the topic at hand. We're trapped in what looks like a school, and we gotta get the fuck outta here."

 

"Agreed, Iruma." Kiibo responded. "Let's get out of this classroom."

 

Kiibo headed for the door and stared twisting and pulling the knob, and it wouldn't budge. "It seems as though the door is guarded by magic!" he gasped.

 

I walked over to take a look. Oh, what a loveable idiot. I grabbed that doorknob and pushed.

 

"Magic!" I mocked with a smug grin.

 

Kiibo huffed, and he exited the room, me following him.

 

\- - - - - - - - - -

 

Kiibo's POV

 

I don't know if I should trust Iruma. Sure, detectives are trustworthy individuals, but this one seems very insistent that magic is not a thing. We left Classroom 2-A, and we immediately heard muffled screaming and banging from the next room.

 

"More people! Let's go, Kiibs!" Iruma strutted to the classroom and hurried in. I followed suit.

 

When both of us entered, we found a classroom just like the one we were cooped up in -- of course, the difference was the two lockers with doors clanging. It seems we've discovered two more Ultimates. I ran over to set them free, only to realize there was one problem. Both of the latches were guarded by a 4-digit lock, but that didn't stop the people inside from banging on the door.

 

"Please, get me outta here!" cried a whiny voice from the right locker.

 

"Stay put, I'll free the two of you with my magic!" I called, raising my wand from my pocket.

 

"Cut the bullshit!" Iruma answered back at me. "They're combination locks, they need a code. We should look for clues." she noted as she looked into the teacher's desk.

 

My wand clattered to the ground. I sighed. "Fine, maybe magic won't work THIS time...hey, what's that?" I pointed to the blackboard next to the door and walked over.

 

Something was scrawled in big but sloppy handwriting. I could make out two words -- "LIES, LIES!" the chalky residue read. "Iruma, take a look at this!" I signalled her over.

 

"What's the point, Kiibs? Those are letters, and we need numbers for the loc- WHOA!"

 

Iruma slipped on something and fell backwards. "Ow! Kiibs, you need to fuckin' watch where you put your shit!" She grabbed my wand from under my foot and handed it to me.

 

"O-Oops, sorry..." Embarrassed, I shoved the wand back into my pocket. "H-Here, I'll help you u-"

 

Iruma put her palm to my face. "Hold on. Wait a second..." She faced the chalkboard and turned her head upside down. "That's it! I'm a fucking genius!"

 

Huh? What did she mean?

 

"Kiibs, you're right about those words being clues! Because they ain't letters, they're numbers upside down!" Iruma looked at me with a grin. "Flip 'LIES' 180 degrees, and you get '5317'. And because there's 2 of them..." she waited for me to finish that thought.

 

"...then that means '5317' twice." I continued. "So those are both of the codes for the padlocks! Iruma, you are an intellectual!"

 

"Shoulda called me that earlier, Kiibs." Iruma blushed as she grabbed for my hand to pull herself off the ground. Both of us rushed to the lockers, still clashing, and turned the dials. 5-3-1-7. Both doors swung open and two men fell out.

 

The one on the left had short, green ruffled hair, green eyes and ear piercings on both sides, the right ear having a few extra earrings. He wore an art smock with blue and black stripes over a baby blue T-shirt. He had brown trousers and dark sneakers with white bottoms, and a collection of small paintbrushes hung from his necklace. He rubbed his head and stood, then pulled the guy on the right to his feet. We could see he was a bit taller than Iruma.

 

The other person, however -- the same one who was whining earlier -- stood slightly lower than my height. His short hair was dark purple like his eyes, but the ends of his hair turn violet. He was dressed in a white light jacket with multicolored buttons, a silvery zipper, and a small rip on the bottom right side. He wore white pants as well as black and purple slip ons. His most noticeable trait, though, was probably the checkered scarf around his neck.

 

"Ah, thanks for getting us out," the green-haired boy said in a relaxed tone. "Had I listened to this toddler crying one more time, I would've lost my sanity completely."

 

"Hey!" the purple-haired boy yelled back. "I wasn't whining at all!"

 

Iruma spoke up. "Yes you were, you idiot. Stop with the lies."

 

"Fine, I'll stop lying." Then he smirked. "Or is that statement a lie, too?"

 

I sighed. "Can we just introduce ourselves and get your names? This is Iruma Miu, the Ultimate Detective," I said as I motioned to her, "and I am the Ultimate Magician, Iidabashi Kiibo."

 

"Magic, you say?" the purple-haired boy said. "Please, magic isn't a real thing."

 

"Y-Yes it is!"

 

"Then prove it! Abracadabra your dick off!"

 

"Wh-What?!"

 

Iruma looked up, both startled and...drooling? "Wh-What the FUCK?!" she nearly screamed. Why was she sweaty...?

 

The green-haired boy elbowed him. "Not funny," he mouthed as he turned to face us. "Hello. I am the Ultimate Artist, Amami Rantarou." He turned back to the purple-haired boy and whispered "Go on. Introduce yourself."

 

"I'm the great Ouma Kokichi!" he boasted. That confidence then suddenly dropped as he said "And I am the Ultimate, erm...Ultimate uh..." He paused for thought. "You'll have to get back to me on that one."

 

Amami elbowed him again. "Come on, don't be shy. You can't just lie to 'em."

 

Ouma talked back. "No, this isn't a lie! I genuinely don't remember my talent!"

 

"Is it possible to not remember one's talent?" I asked.

 

"More importantly!" Iruma pointed to Amami's necklace. "I see you are a painter. Do you paint nudes?" she questioned. Ouma let out a stifled laugh.

 

Amami sighed. "Actually, yes, I do," to which Iruma went ecstatic and sweaty. "Living with twelve sisters means I've had to draw a lot of girls, and I take their requests no matter how...touchy the subject is."

 

I tapped Iruma's shoulder, snapping her back to reality. "Maybe we should continue searching the school. I think there may be more students trapped in lockers." After that, I headed out the door.

 

Iruma sighed and walked after me, but I could hear her whisper something before she left.

 

"Paint me one!"

 

\- - - - - - - - - -

 

Iruma's POV

 

Kiibo and I headed downstairs to a different floor, most likely the first one. We looked around, and I followed Kiibo into a hall. He stopped at the big doors.

 

"I hear something from in here!" he muttered.

 

We pushed the doors open, and  we were greeted by a large dining hall. A long table with 16 chairs rested in the middle, a bowl of fruit wrapped in napkins as a centerpiece. And surprise surprise, we discovered two more lockers held by a combination locks opposite from the door. Two people were thrashing and screaming at the locked doors, one with undeniably more power than the other one. The voices we heard were deep and calm, but at the same time they were screaming and panicking. I checked the padlocks -- this time we were dealing with three digits on each locker.

 

"Hello? Who's there? Get me out of here, you hear me?!" yelled the left locker as it shook violently, scaring the shit outta me.

 

"Well? Where do you think we could find anything of use?" Kiibs asked me.

 

I scanned the room. There was a door that lead to a kitchen for cooking, but it seemed pretty ordinary. Most likely had just ordinary cutlery and cookware, maybe a few matches and candles, but that would be just about it. Maybe there was something in the drawers, though it would be too obvious.

 

"I think we could start in the fruit bowl. It seems pretty damn suspicious," I said as we both walked towards it.

 

Quickly, we unwrapped the pieces of fruit inside the napkins. All we could find were halves of limes, oranges, and lemons. I didn't see anything useful -- not on the napkins, not on the fruit slices, nothing. I was hungry, anyway, so I decided to unpeel one of the orange halves and chew into it. Then Kiibs stopped me.

 

"Hold on, Iruma. I think I know this act of magic."

 

Well, it isn't magic, magic never has existed. But was he onto something?

 

Kiibo disappeared into the kitchen and returned with a match. "Can you hold up those pieces of paper?"

 

"Kiibs, we are NOT setting the school on fire! We're gonna fucking die!"

 

He sighed. "No, just give me the one closest to you," he commanded as he struck the match.

 

The best thing I could do was trust he knew what he was doing. I handed him the napkin that surrounded the orange half. Kiibo held the match under the paper and motioned for me to get closer. Oh, of course! The paper was written in invisible ink using the acidic citrus juice from these fruits, and when dry, the acids weaken the paper and turn brown when it gets warmer!

 

"You see, nonbeliever of magic ," Kiibo stated proudly, "with fire, you can perform magic by using the heat to reveal secret codes!" He blew out the match flame.

 

I didn't have the heart to give him a science lecture.

 

"The magic (I internally scoffed at using that word) reveals the numbers 8-0-2 and 6-9-4. We've found the combinations!" I exclaimed. We ran to the lockers and turned the dials on the combination locks. With a click, both doors fell open and two students tumbled out.

 

To the left was a woman who looked taller than Amami and appeared much more relaxed than him. Her greenish-sandy hair flowed into bangs covering her the left of her green eyes. She had a long black collared dress with a spiderweb design that seemed to turn browner at the ends as if it got dirtied. A faded purple tie hung under her collar and over her white sleeves, which were rolled up and showed her long black leathery gloves. She was wearing dark tights over faded brown boots laced into bows. She stood up and dusted herself off.

 

To the right was an incredibly short person who at first I nearly mistook for a child. He had cropped ginger hair, pinkish cheeks, donkey lips sucking on a candy cigarette, and black eyes that made me feel as though he was staring into my soul. He had a dark buttoned coat over a white suit and a blue ribbon in a bow on the collar. Both the coat and suit's sleeves folded at his wrists and showed his thin navy gloves. His coattails reached his knees and his dark blue pants fell losely onto his monochrome shoes. I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous he looked.

 

Kiibo talked while I was in hysterics. "Could we ask you to introduce yourselves? I'm Iidabashi Kiibo, the Ultimate Magician. The girl over there laughing is Iruma Miu, the Ultimate Detective."

 

The woman in the dress curtsied and replied in calming words. "My name is Toujou Kirumi, and I am the Ultimate Entomologist. Pleased to make your acquaintance." She shook Kiibo's hand.

 

"Pleased to meet you, Toujou." Kiibs turned to me, as I had finally calmed down.

 

I looked at her. "So you study bugs, eh?"

 

Toujou nodded. "Insects are an interest of mine, and I take great pride in my studies. Not to toot my own horn, but the government even chose to hire me as one of the head scientists after they saw my work."

 

"That's impressive, Toujou!" Kiibs said.

 

"As much as I love all insects," Toujou continued, my favorite animals are arachnids -- specifically spiders. In fact, it seems my uniform even came with a complimentary web and spider eggs for me to care for!" Toujou grabbed her dress and lifted the design, revealing silken threads and a white ball.

 

Kiibs and I backed away, scared. "Are you insane?!" I screamed. "That shit hatches and bites us, we'll fuckin' DIE!"

 

"Common misconception, Iruma. Spiders choose to get nourishments from invertebrates as opposed to humans." Toujou smiled with comfort. "Plus, it seems the eggs will hatch in 3 to 4 weeks, so you're fine."

 

I decided to ignore the fact that creepy-crawlies will be all over the place; it made me tingly and not in a good way. I turned to the shortie. "Hey little fella, what's your name?"

 

The redhead looked up at us, trying to avoid eye contact with particularly me. "My apologies for tripping, it's not of an Ultimate Butler to trip like that. My name's Hoshi Ryouma."

 

"Wait...'Hoshi Ryouma'? Weren't you killed by the mafia 7 years ago?" Toujou asked.

 

Hoshi sighed. "It's complicated...I threatened to spill a mafia boss's secrets, and he abducted me in my sleep. When I awoke, I was greeted by him, and he made me a deal. Assist his organization's every need and not make any contact with the outside world or I would be murdered." His cigarette quivered. "Shoulda chosen to just die instead of having to tolerate the torture," he scoffed. "I had to follow all orders -- shine shoes, cook breakfast...I even got orders to murder people. And to make matters worse, the government kept saying I was dead to the media. So I was working undercover at a job I hated and nobody but the authorities knew, and they kept me locked up or else I'd be murdered."

 

"So you got your talent from working undercover for the mafia?" I asked. "Pff, lame. I was expecting something...more kinky." Kiibo elbowed me and Hoshi looked at me with disgust.

 

"Maybe we should check who else is locked up before you cause Hoshi to suffer more," Kiibs suggested, and I walked out of the kitchen.

 

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Kiibs apologizing to Toujou and Hoshi about me before he ran over.

 

\- - - - - - - - - -

 

Kiibo's POV

 

Okay, sure. Iruma can be troublesome, but I'm sure she means well. And besides, she trusts me, so I may as well have hope for her.

 

I stepped out of the kitchen and followed Iruma to the double doors across from the hall. When she opened it, we found a large warehouse of all kinds of items -- plastic boxes on shelves and on the floor contained school supplies, sports equipment, food and drinks, emergency gear, the list goes on. It seemed to contain everything possible, including...

 

"Where the hell are people getting these damn lockers?!" Iruma interrupted my thoughts as she pointed to two more shaking lockers beside the sports equipment. Screams and bangs emerged from them -- at this point I can guess that everyone in this school is trapped in a locker. This time, I noticed we had two different combinations -- one had 4 numbers and the other 4 letters.

 

"Whoever did this is in big trouble, whoever you are!" echoed one of the lockers as it shook violently. I stepped back out of fear, but as that happened we saw a piece of parchment shake off the locker and float to the ground.

 

Iruma picked it up. "So what? This another clue or some shit?"

 

I walked over to take a look at the paper. If it were a clue, whoever put it there was most likely a fan of poems, as this was written in rhyming riddles.

 

"MIRROR SHOPPING

 

Please pick up these items four:

A yellow tool to clean the floor,

An object used to whack a ball,

Gears to build a clockwork doll,

And two flowers the size of a quarter.

Please go find them in that order."

 

"What exactly does this mean?" I scratched my head. The poem was mysterious enough to be a clue, but too complicated to mean anything important. Nonetheless, Iruma and I both decided to look for the things on this weird shopping list.

 

We split up and searched opposite for the items. After a minute, I walked to the left wall's shelves and found a plastic bin with cleaning supplies, including the shiny yellow mop on the list. Well, that's one item down. On the other side of the shelf, Iruma called for my attention and waved a baseball bat in the air. Two more to go. Eventually, she called again and held up a cardboard box filled to the brim with tiny brass gears.

 

Iruma walked over. "It's been 3 minutes and we can't find the damn flowers!" she complained. She was right -- attempting to find anything the size of a quarter in this large warehouse would be a hassle. I noticed a wooden panel on wheels, supposedly a chalkboard, standing in the middle of the shelf. I pushed it aside and bingo, we found decorated flowerpots, one of which had two roses the size of coins.

 

"But this scavenger hunt doesn't provide any useful information," I stated. "Sure, we completed the search for miscellaneous items, but we don't even know how they work in either code."

 

"M for mop, B for bat, G for gears, F for flowers, maybe?" Iruma suggested. "Actually, now that I think about it, that's way too obvious to be the case. And what about the numbers? There are too many tiny gears in that box for a one-digit number."

 

"Maybe we could use a little of my mag-" Iruma cut my sentence off with an angry glare. "O-Okay then, not magic." All these puzzles our captor was forcing us to solve were confusing and tiresome. I rested my elbow on the panel of the chalkboard, my brain exhausted. At that moment, my elbow pushing caused me to fall backward under the chalkboard as it rotated to the other side. And that's when we saw it.

 

Strapped with duct tape to the chalky side was a long mirror, and Iruma and I noticed the labelled sticky notes attached to the glass. The top of the mirror had eleven notes labelled with the letters A, B, C, and so forth until K. The left side was lined with seven notes numbered from 1 to 7.

 

"This must be the mirror that poem was talking about," Iruma stated. "Those letters and numbers could be used for the combinations, but how would they work?" I pushed the chalkboard to the wall to get up when Iruma stopped me.

 

"Wait...if the mirror is aligned to the wall like so..." She moved the board a few times until she said "Jackpot! Take a look." I walked over. The sticky notes, added to the shelf's reflection in the mirror, created a grid formation. Letters were above the eleven columns of the shelf and the numbers showed the rows. "What we need are the coordinates of the stuff the list asked for."

 

"Remember how the last line of the poem said to find them in order? Well, from the beginning..." I thought out loud, "...the mop is in column I and row 6, so the coordinates are I6. Then the bat is in C2, the gear box is in A4, and the flowery pot is G3."

 

"So the codes are 6243 and ICAG. Let's move it, Kiibs!"

 

In the 5 or so minutes it took for us to decipher the poem, the lockers didn't stop banging and shaking, so we acted fast and quickly dialed the combinations. The left door swung open and a very angry woman glared at me. I was expecting her to be angry and nag us about how her rescue took so long. What I wasn't expecting was for her to immediately tackle me and pin me to the ground.

 

 "AHA!" the girl screamed. "So YOU'RE the degenerate male that kidnapped us! You had me locked up for some perverted fetish, I just KNOW it! And you --" she paused, "-- oh god, you're one of THOSE creeps! I bet you got me pregnant without me knowing too, and now my life is RUINED thanks to you degenerate!"

 

"Hey, calm your tits, you lil' child! And get off my Kiibs!" Iruma demanded. The girl sighed and got off, mumbling something that sounded like "Fine, but only because you're a woman."

 

The girl stood slightly taller than me. Her long dark hair was tied in white ribbons and a green floral pinwheel bow. She wore a violet visor with a star pattern, and that cast a faint shadow over her green eyes. A beauty mark sat under her mouth, and a purple choker with a round bell sat around her neck. She wore an alice blue short-sleeved shirt and shorts with white lines at the neck, sleeves, and bottom. The shirt was somewhat small, slightly exposing her navel. She had white knee-high socks under her straw-colored tennis shoes.

 

"What? You trying to see if I'd make for a good swimsuit model, you perv?" the girl asked. "Tch, typical for a man..."

 

Iruma opened the door to see another girl asleep, this one somewhat shorter than Ouma. A turquoise and gold pin rest in her reddish pink hair, which flowed out from under a black peaked hat with a red band. She wore a black coat with gold buttons that resembled a straitjacket, and a white collar stuck out above it. A black and maroon cape flowed out from her neck, and in her hand was a long, golden scepter with a crown-looking tip. She had a carmine skirt, dark brown leggings and tan high-heeled boots. It occurred to me that if this girl was asleep, the black-haired girl was the one screaming and thrashing.

 

I went to check if she was okay, but the other girl pushed me away. "Uh-uh, I don't trust you to touch her! For all I know, you'll get her pregnant too!"

 

The redhead woke up. "Nyeh...? What happened...?" her lazy lips mumbled.

 

The black-haired girl spoke to her in a soft, charming voice. "We have company, and one of them is a male!"

 

I sighed. "O-Okay, I think we got off on the wrong foot. My name is Iidabashi Kiibo, the Ultimate Magician. This is Iruma Miu, the Ultimate Detective."

 

"Well, nice to meet you, Iruma!" The black-haired girl walked past me and shook Iruma's hand. "I'm Chabashira Tenko, the Ultimate Tennis Pro! I'm my mentor's proudest work!"

 

Tenko was feisty and energetic, which was normal for an athlete, but I didn't understand why exactly she hated men. "What exactly about the male gender makes you despise us?" I asked.

 

"They're weak but too judgemental!" Tenko answered. Every single man I've known in tennis tournaments laughed and said I don't have what it takes. Well, they weren't laughing when I won every single match against them for 6 years in a row! Girls should not be criticized in athletics, for we can teach those degenerates a lesson!" She beamed proudly.

 

"So you're one of those sports freaks, eh?" Iruma commented.

 

While they talked, I saw the redhead sleepily get to her feet and stand. "Nyeh...better introduce m'self," she yawned. "Fall to your knees and bow to me! I am the great Yumeno Himiko, the Ultimate Overlord!"

 

Iruma and I were speechless and were absolutely confused by this...girl. Meanwhile, we could see Tenko cheering Himiko on.

 

"E-Erm, okay. I-I'm better known as the Ultimate Supreme Leader."

 

I was absolutely confused. "I'm sorry, what exactly is an 'Ultimate Supreme Leader'?"

 

"Nyeh? You have never heard of my secret organization?" Well, to be fair, if it were secret we wouldn't know. "One million subordinates in my secret evil organization!" Himiko struck a pose. I was expecting an evil laugh after that like in movies, but what I got instead was an adorable "Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!"

 

"Yeah, I call bullshit!" Iruma stated. "You don't have any 'secret organization', you're just a donkey-lipped flat-chested little girl!"

 

Himiko took her scepter and thumped Iruma on the forehead.

 

While Iruma rubbed her temples to soothe them, Tenko ran over and squeezed Himiko tight, to the leader's silent protests. "I believe you, Himiko! I cower before your organization!" She turned to face us. "If any of you lay even a finger on her, so help me that will be your final mistake." She pointed to me. "Especially you, degenerate."

 

I backed away and reached for the doors, and Iruma followed.

 

Is it just me, or is dealing with all these teenagers going to be a hassle?


End file.
